What did we do last night that was yellow?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
