I'm going to jail i love you
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
