ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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