Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
