if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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