i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
