i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Someone shattered a urinal.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
