Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
