***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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