look no pants
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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