I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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