I'm so fucking centered right now
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
