But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
