you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
