Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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