I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
