Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
