I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
