is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
