Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
