My friends, they love my intelligence
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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