it's not cheating when I paid for it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
