I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
