We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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