not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
