oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
