you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
