the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.