I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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