We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.