Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sext me about skeletons