For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This toilet bowl is my home.
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