I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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