why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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