i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
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This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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