we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
