I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
