Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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