If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
