.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
