I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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