just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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