its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning