So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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