My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.