So drunk its hurt
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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