in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
