Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
