I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
