What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
