I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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