I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
