Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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