don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
50% drunk capacity currently
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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