Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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