WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
