apparently the secret to your success is patron
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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