He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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