the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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