Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
