The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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