im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
