The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
