I need help removing her.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
