We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
