Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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