Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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