Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize