What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got inside last night via doggy door
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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