haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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