So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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