The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
