I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
