I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
