I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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