i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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