my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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