Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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