im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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