i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
