My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We left the knife in your bed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
