Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Pooping to opera.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
