Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just sent this text using only my big toe
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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