it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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