Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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