he shaved USA in his pubs
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I fill condoms, not promises.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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