The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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