I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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