I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
