so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
